I was flipping through The Book of Weird Sex by Chris Gordon which is a little collection of historical oddities and eyebrow-raising facts and one piece of info stopped me. Apparently, in the Middle Ages, one of the few legal reasons you could get a divorce was “sexual incompetence.”

I have a list of boyfriends from college that could qualify for this title alone and they did NOT last with me.

What Was Sexual Incompetence to a Middle Age Woman?

I assume it went with both genders. It wasn’t just infidelity – it was .. failure to perform. Now, how many of you would fail at this? Can’t get it erect. Can’t last long etc. Small penis? I’ll get to that later.

Plus it had to be proven in court. HAHA.

Imagine this:  a medieval couple standing before a panel of stone faced church officials, trying to explain that, well, things just aren’t working out. Literally. Historians say there were even so-called “tests” to verify the claim. The mind reels at what counted as evidence back then. I wonder what these tests looked like? Did they have to perform them in court? I’d say yes.

Sexual Incompetence WAS a Big Deal in the Middle Ages … and it is – to Some Extent in Modern Time

Sexual performance wasn’t just private business – it was tied to reputation, fertility, even property rights. If a man couldn’t “fulfill his duties,” it wasn’t simply a bedroom issue – it was a social failure.

Now imagine today with social media or how we connect so quickly. You take a girl out on a date, or maybe it’s a long time girlfriend or wife. They DO tell others how you perform at times.  This information can spread quickly too….

Now, it’s not really a grounds for divorce these days and you can get divorced for any reason you wish from how I understand it. But the Middle Ages People? They didn’t f*ck around. LOL.

A Case Of a Bed Trial

A quick google search brought up more info on this: “a particularly detailed case from the 1370s involves John Saundirson, who was accused by his wife, Tedhia Lambhird, of impotence. The court ordered invasive examinations, and three women reported that John’s genitalia appeared underdeveloped and non-functional. As a result, the marriage was annulled. This case illustrates the lengths to which medieval courts would go to assess sexual competence”.

LOL! Can you imagine? I mean really think of it. Your junk would be on display for others to see… and touch… and come to some sort of assessment. Knowing some of you though, you’d probably dig being on such a humiliating cock display. LOL

Other Reasons for Annulment in the Middle Ages: Your Size

I dug further into size. There is little evidence that “normal” size standards existed, but failure to achieve penetration like due to small size, deformity, or other physical reasons could be sufficient grounds for annulment.

Not only that – some communities were small. I bet there was a lot of chatter about this at the town square, right?

Medieval Bed Trials

The medieval “bed trials” often involved testimonies about a man’s sexual competence. Though they rarely measured precisely a man’s junk – witnesses sometimes commented on whether the man was physically capable of sexual intercourse, which was involving size or development.

If this kind of thing still existed today – I’d probably be visiting courtrooms often to sit in on these trials.

I seriously think this could be a good role-play. If anyone is game – you know where to find me! LOL.

Putting you on trial in front of a courtroom of women and us just making you get erect, measuring, seeing if you can even get hard in the first damn place — and then making you perform.

Hilarious.